With more than a million new cases of cancer being diagnosed each year in the United States, sooner or later most of us will get the distressing news that a family member or friend has contracted the disease.
We then face the dilemma: What do we say to a cancer patient?
Here's a short list of advice:
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Ask how he/she is doing.
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Ask what the person has.
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Ask what the treatment is.
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Talk openly and honestly.
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Be a sensitive, compassionate and empathetic listener.
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Be prepared for the person who doesn't want to talk about it then. Tell them, "I just want you to know I care."
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Look your friend in the eye when talking. Smiling, touching and warm looks all convey affection.
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Ask how you can help. Be specific: caring for the children, preparing a meal, a ride to the doctor's office, running errands. Ask your friend to make a list of specific things that need to happen and then coordinate with other friends and family members to accomplish those things.
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Include your friend in activities.
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Remember other family members; they often need support and friendship as well.
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Don't let your friend's illness interrupt your friendship.
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Don't comment on your friend's appearance.
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Don't try to cheer them up. Don't say: "things could be worse" or "I know how you feel" or "we all have to go sometime."
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Don't tell them to have a positive attitude.
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Don't bring articles about other doctors, treatments or hospitals unless they ask.
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Don't offer advice or talk about the people you've known who have died from cancer.
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Don't feel uncomfortable if there's a lull in the conversation. Quiet is better than empty words. Your presence shows you care.
Most importantly, work to strike a balance in your support for friends or family members dealing with cancer. Be concerned, but not intrusive. Allow them their privacy, but don't abandon them. Don't be afraid to ask them for guidance in how you can best help them through their challenges when facing cancer.
